Hi Everyone, It is no surprise that expat divorce abroad is a hot topic. We get regular emails about this and we also see regular comments and articles on this topic elsewhere. Sad, but true.
If your relationship has not broken up abroad, chances are, you know someone's whose has. If you/they are looking for some recent information about divorce abroad, try some of these articles:
(1) Expat Confession: Divorce Abroad - this was one of the most-clicked-on features last October when it featured;
(2) Divorce Overseas: 10 Steps To Protect Your Children, by Frank Arndt, which is featured on our home page this month.
Marilyn Stowe has actually added some additional opinion to the bottom of this article since we first posted it, including:
"I also do not see why the employer who requires the move abroad, shouldn’t pay for such an agreement to be put in place, in the same way as the employment contract."(3) We have also just published Divorce and You on our site, thanks to Divorce Coach Nicola Baume. Nicola's three-step article recovery article helps at home and abroad;
And/or try these articles that we saw on our Google Alert last week:
(4) Expat Divorce 'Simple' Says Leading Law Firm - Woolley & Co.; &
(5) Did Becoming A Shanghai Expat Ruin Your Marriage? - on Shanghaiist.com. If you are in Shanghai and have been through an expat break-up, Karen Mazurkewich is looking for you...
"Expats live in a parallel universe. While they are culturally fish-out-of-water they can also live glamorous lifestyles. And while it can be a great experience for some, there is also a dark side to expat life. I’d like to further explore the issue by asking the simple question: Can marriages survive the expat life?"
If you are going through a break-up abroad, we send our best wishes your way. Wishing you strength, Andrea.
15 comments:
I am an american living in Australia. I married and divorced an Aussie once upon a time. 7 years post divorce, I am still living in Aus despite the on-going drama his alcholism/bi-polar brings to mine and my childrens lives. In Aus its considered OK and not a reason to protect children. A year ago, I started proceedings to take my children - ages 13 and 9 - back to home. I have given up fighting the system here and just came to peace with the fact that the Aus law will not protect me or my children. We desperatly need the assistance of my family coupled with the fact that my ex does nothing to help - physically, emotionally or financially - to raise our children. The judicial system in Aus is very very very weak and does not see my situation as critcal. I should win - although it will take still another year or two. For those who think Aus is a great country - trust me - if you have any reason to deal with domestic violence here - god forbid - they are years and years behind. Sometimes I feel that I might as well live in Iraq - or jail. If there is ANYONE out there in my situtation, pls stand up as I have NEVER met anyone.
I hear you. Trying to divorce in Italy is much the same. I have become a prisoner in a foreign country, with a husband that thinks abuse is ok, and even with a divorce (which I am proceeding with now) I still have no rights, cant take my baby home to Australia, and I am only 27 years old.
I think there are many people in our circumstance, many just stay in unhappy marriages because they know there is no choice - loose your kids and go home, or accept an unhappy marriage, but financial security with your babies.
not fair though, and very very sad for all of us.
Hi everyone. I'm American and getting divorced in France. I just need other divorced women with children to form support and activity group. I'm stuck here because I don't have the money to fight. I'm homesick but must accept that I will have to stay in France. It's pretty lonely and I'll be in Paris all summer. Looking for friends with kids. My daughter is 8. Thanks
I am living abroad in a situation that is becoming increasingly untenable. My husband has a history of severe anxiety problems, has gone off his medication (mental illnesses like anxiety/depression are not taken seriously here), and has taken to drinking instead. I do not have a work permit and have no money of my own. We have two children and there is no way he would let me take them back to our home country. And now, God help me, I am pregnant and he is worse, even accusing me of faking being sick with pregnancy symptoms. This is a nightmare.
I'm a British expat living in suburbs of Montreal. Only married last yr, known him for 6 yrs and as of last Dec his temper has increased and yesterday he threatened to kill our animals with a shovel in front of me if I didn't do what he said. So obviously we are getting a divorce, no question about it. I'm a new permanent resident and currently unemployed, he owns the house, so I feel a very long way from home.. 3.5 thousand miles away, to deal with all this. I can see myself settling in another city (not French) but right now it just seems impossible. I have great respect for any woman going through something similar anywhere in the world, but with children in tow. I only have a dog, but I'm thankful that I have her. Support forums like this are incredibly valuable, we are not alone!
I am in the process of divorcing my husband of 7 years. He is French and I am American ( no kids yet). I am able to work here in France because of residency given to me by our marriage. I don't wish to return to the US but am concerned about how I will be able to stay on. I have been living in France for several years and feel at home here. Although I never took into account that losing my marriage would also mean losing my friends, his family, and basically the entire support system that I had here. My family is far away but I am determined to rebuild my life in Paris. Good luck to all of you!
Good luck to you too - here in Quebec once you have attained your permanent resident status, through marriage or otherwise, you can stay regardless of whether you stay married or divorce, check the French immigration website for details relevant to your situation. I totally understand what you are going through and I have lost all forms of support here by divorcing, but it's just a phase, a tough time ahead but also a fresh start and great opportunity to meet new people and live life the way I want to. As my mum always says, take a look around you, you're not on your own. Better to leave a relationship that's not working than be unhappy for the rest of your life. It takes courage to do this alone a long way from home, but we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, time to dig deep.
I am Australian living in America...and it seems the problems are global. You cannot blame the rules and regulations of one country. My family are all in Australia and my husband chooses not to return. My children are 9 & 7. I cannot take them out of the state let alone the country without his permission and I too feel like a prisoner - that alone led to the demise of our marriage. The bottom line is "we chose to move" and now we have to live with the consequences. Accept your reality and make the most of your life. You only have one.
While this blog and the associated links have some very good and helpful content, my situation seems a bit backwards from many of the women posting here.
I am an american expatriot living with my husband and two daughters in switzerland. Mz husband is physically and verbally abusive, and has worked 9 months of the last 10 years.
I am the working member of the family who is financially responsible for our family. He chooses to be very combatitive with me and every day expresses how much he hates Switzerland. He refuses to interact with the school, or address any day to day paperwork or other tasks. much of the housework is left undone, and I am expected to take care of everything on top of managing a career on a global team with at least a 60 hour work week. If i complain, it can lead to physical violence.
I have an appointment with a local attorney who specializes in family law this Friday. I need a divorce, because after 13 years with this man, the last 7 of them have been awful. I agreed to bring him with me to Switzerland because it was the only way at the time to get my children here with me.
I am not on assignment. I worked for my company for 10 years in the US, and they have transferred my tenure with the company and my pension to a permanent Swiss contract. I want to stay here with my children, He could not provide for them financially. However, I really need him out of our lives. the abuse is impacting all of us, and no matter what i try, there is no way to make our relationship bearable. He takes no responsibility to do anything, he just finds ways to blame me with every imperfection in our lives, and constantly uses foul language to my daughters to describe his opinion of them (like 5 to 8 times per day each child)
Has anyone on this forum been the female breadwinner seeking a divorce from her husband in a european country as an expat? Any suggestions or lessons learned would be greatly appreciated.
I'm a Swiss who returned after 12 years in the States, 10 of which married. After the divorce I moved back here with my daughter and the father's consent, but there is hardly a day where I don't question my decision. My daughter more and more resembles her dad in looks and personality, still misses him tremendously, and he seems to miss her more and more and though it's 2 years already since our move, she still feels American mostly and hasn't made any close friends yet. Yes I'd be living as a single mom abroad and it would be hard and lonely but the price my daughter seems to pay is very high, too, it seems. Any thoughts?
What a supportive forum! I hope you are gaining valuable information, resources and strength from the other readers/those who have posted comments about being in similar situations. Divorce is painful and isolating enough but going through it in a foreign country seems to mean so much more is at stake. I can only suggest you all continue reaching out to others who can offer first hand advice and support - being able to vent and share your experiences is a great way to move forward. Secondly, ensure you leave no stone unturned in terms of understanding the local legalities and what you can and can not do. Rules change often and with a bit of digging and dogged determination you may find the answers you are looking for.
Divorce abroad often means the family is geographically separated. In response to the last comment: you feel guilty for denying your daughter contact to her father. If at all possible, try and view living in different countries as a small positive for your daughter - she will have access to two cultures, two languages (or more!) and 2 countries. But most importantly try not to beat yourself up about it. You have had to make a very tough decision and one that is right for you right now. Your daughter will be able to make her own decisions at some point and that may include living abroad. As another comment says: Accept your reality and make the most of your life. You only have one.
All the very best to all of you and keep up the good posts!
EW Girlfriend.
Thanks for your encouraging words, Victoria! And yes, it is really nice to know that we're not alone dealing with such issues.
My children and I have been abondonded in the uS with nothing to our names. I was married to a con man for 13 years. I am an australian living in the US, he has returned to Australia and just left us here with nothing.
My question is: how do you SERVE and American living abroad? I just want the process started, thats ALL! Please f anyone could offer me anything on how to do this i would be)and my children) so greatful.
Thanks, Brooke
I am from Belgium, married to a British man and we are currently living in North Africa. We have been expats for the past 10 years and married for 16. We have three children together who attend an international school. Our Marriage is and has been for the past 7 years in trouble. With every new posts there is a hope of patching things up... unfortunately it hasn't been the case and on the contrary things has been getting worse. We are ready for a divorce. I have no clue were to start, who to contact and in which country to file for divorce Belgium, England or North Africa any one out there in similar situation please advise?
I am an Australian who is married to an American. We have been together for 5 years and married for 2.5 years. Things have slowly started to deteriorate over the last two years he drinks a lot alone and his mental state just isn't all there anymore. I have recently moved back to Australia to start the separation period. However i am so frustrated with American law and the divorce process. Does anyone else have these issues?
Lucky there are no kids involved so i thought this would be an easy divorce but boy was i wrong.
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